Ok, so we all know I can get a bit grouchy while I am shopping, as evidenced by a previous blog. I went shopping today at Wal-Mart and was definitely upset to find so was 3/4 of the population of the city of Toledo, fabulous. I decided to be brave and go in to get the things I needed. I walked in and was immediately bombarded by not one, not two but three greeters. Who in the hell needs three people to tell you welcome to Wal-Mart in one entrance? Not me. That's just way to many people to thank for welcoming you to hell. It makes me wonder though when someone goes to hell, how many people welcome them? I am going to guess by today's experience, three.
So after I am greeted by the three ridiculous individuals paid to welcome me to Wal-Mart I grab a cart very quickly to avoid being welcomed again and I walk through the sliding door into my own personal hell. Hundreds of people shopping during Christmas time is as responsible for my happiness as sliding down a banister of razorblades into a pool of rubbing alcohol.
I just had a few things to pick up and figured it shouldn't take too long, I should have known better. I started walking down the aisles and quickly realized how rude people are. It should be their top priority to make sure that their carts are out of my way as to not slow me down. I was so pissed and had already said excuse me more than once. So I did what any sane person would do and decided since they were ignoring me I would punish them. I took this lady's cart and moved it myself. With the stealth of a ninja I grabbed her cart, without getting her attention and moved her cart about a hundred feet away from her and then watched from a short distance as she went to put a shirt into her cart. The shirt fell down on the dirty floor of Wal-Mart and I honestly could not help but chuckle as her face went from total confidence to a shocked look followed by a look of genuine panic. After a minute or so she spotted her cart and immediately went over to grab it. I could hardly contain my happiness! I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself.
I am going to institute this new form of discipline every time I go to Wal-Mart for those who can not move the cart the first time I ask, and won't you feel silly when you can not locate your cart. If you are a repeat offender I will have to move it to the other side of the store or hide it in the garden center. I will trail you from behind the whole time you are playing hide and go seek with your cart. OOOOHHHH wait I have a much better idea. I am going to get ahead of you and put the cart back where you were originally were when you decided to break the rules of common decency. That is until you get close to finding it again, and then I will be forced to hide it again. Maybe then the next time when I ask you politely to move you cart out of my way, you'll move it.
loove it!
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