Who likes cranberry jello? Seriously? Why is it even on the shelf? When I was 23 I had knee surgery and was living at home with my parents, who sometimes antagonize me on purpose just to watch my reaction. I swear they do this so they can laugh about at later times. They probably lay in bed at night discussing how they are going to get me to have a huge meltdown so they can say, "Do you remember that time Amy did....", I am sure of it. Absolutely positive they make plans to set me up to explode. This is more than likely how this whole scenario began.
A few days after my knee surgery my mother asked me if I would like to go to the store with her to get some groceries. I looked at her like she was nutty and she reminded me that they have those motorized carts, I could ride in one of those through the store since I was unable to walk at that point. I was ready to leave the house and as I wasn't allowed to drive yet, I consented to going to the grocery store. If you read this blog on a regular basis you should know by now I hate the grocery store and usually avoid it all costs as it causes me problems and it puts other people's lives in danger.
Off to the grocery store we went, my mom (devious) and myself. We started our grocery shopping with her and the regular cart and myself in tow. We got to the jello aisle and what do I see but my mom picking up a box of cranberry jello... begin the meltdown process. I immediately asked my mom why in the world she was pick out cranberry jello, and who in the hell would eat it anyway. I told her I sure wouldn't ever eat that nasty crap and I didn't know anyone in their right mind who would eat that nasty tasting grossness she calls food. I continued complaining all the way through the store and the entire way home. When we got home I took my pain medications and fell asleep.
In a few hours my mother woke me up to eat dinner. I picked up my crutches and hobbled my way into the dining room. Once I sat down someone took my crutches and placed them against the wall in the far corner of the room so they would be out of every one's way. Everyone says you should trust your own family, I think not. I should have known I was being set up right there. I was falling victim to my mother's devious plot. Dinner was good and then dessert was brought out. I was so excited for dessert until my mom walked into the dining room with it. My eyes got huge as I saw a giant bowl of red jello enter the room. I couldn't believe it, she made that damn cranberry jello and ruined my life. Here I was expecting some awesome dessert and I get nasty ass jello I wouldn't feed to my dog. So I once again began my entire tirade on the evils of cranberry jello.
My mom began to explain that it wasn't cranberry jello and in fact it was cherry. Well this changed things dramatically. I looked at her and she was laughing so hard that she started crying, which in turn made me laugh, until I realized that I suddenly had to pee, and when I say pee, I meant right this very second. So I asked her to please get me my crutches, she continued laughing. I asked again, I said I needed them immediately, laughter continues. Finally after a lot of asking she moved to get my crutches. She brought them over to me and all I could do is look up at her and say, "Too late". And it was too late, I had already peed all over myself and her white chair and onto her white carpeting. Who's fault was it you ask? I blame the damn cranberry jello, and my mother. She still laughs until she cries still to this day if someone mentions cranberry jello. If she is reading this right now, I guarantee you she is laughing so hard she is crying. DAMN YOU CRANBERRY JELLO!
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