Sorry friends, but I got a job. I know I haven't posted in awhile, and it has apparently made one of you sad. My husband got the mail tonight and in it was an index card with "Bring Back the Blog" in magazine letters, and 2 pennies attached to it. I have no idea who sent it and since it was postmarked from Toledo, there are quite a few of you who could have done it. Anyway, I will start blogging again but just for you, my new special friend. Please keep sending me things in the mail! It's nice to get something other than bills and threatening letters from creditors!
Creditor's little minions are evil people. I hate bill collectors and you should all be ashamed of yourselves. I get calls from these idiots on a daily basis. They use fake numbers, blocked numbers, restricted numbers, cell phone numbers and 1-800 numbers. What they fail to realize is if my home phone rings and it isn't anyone I know I don't pick up. They used to call my cell phone all the time too, which pissed me off, BUT NO MORE! I have outsmarted you fiendish piranhas! I went to Walmart and bought a burn phone. It is not registered to me and you will never find the number to it, and if you do, I will buy a new one and get a new number. It will be a new game, you find the number, I get a new one. You can try all you want to, but you will fail. Intelligence prevails. I know some of you are thinking to yourselves, " How did she get that smart?", it took a lot of practice. If I do accidentally pick up the phone and you are a nice person I will talk to you like a civilized human being and attempt to work something out with you. However, if you are an asshole, than I shall return the kindness. Here is a top 10 list of my favoritist things to tell credit collectors when they call and act like an ass.
10. When they ask you if you can borrow the money from family or friends. --- Sure, do you want to be my family or friend who lends me the money? No. Why not? Are you afraid I won't pay you back? Uh huh. Well they know I won't pay them back too, so no they won't lend me money. If they give me money it's to help out with bills, and you don't qualify.
9. Well sure, just let me pull it right out of ass.
8. OOOOHHHH you know what? The money fairy should be stopping by my house tonight, call me back tomorrow, if I answer she stopped by, if not, well too bad for you.
7. I will sell you my autograph for the amount that I owe you. No? Why not? I am famous in the bill collection world. It might bring in some money, they have never actually seen my signature.
6. You mean to tell me, even if I pay this off, it will still be on my credit report for 7 years? Then why in God's name would I pay you? Does that make sense in your world? Let's see, I will pay you over $500 and it will do nothing for me, but it will earn you money because you collected it? Ha ha ha, screw you.
5. What do you mean you are going to take me to court? So what? I have 4 judgements against me already, guess what, you are still not getting my money. Not now, not ever.
4. It will negatively effect my credit?? Oh no, please don't do that. My gosh what would I do if my already decimated credit score got any worse? Well gee golly, I better pay that right away. Can I put that on my Bank of IOU card? Sorry it's all I have.
3. This is her. Uh huh. So let me get this straight. Your stupid company bought my debt from Walmart, and now you are calling me to pay you, instead of Walmart.... How is this my problem? Your company needs to have it decision making process re-evaluated, you guys have made another piss poor decision. If I was going to buy the debt from Walmart, I sure as hell would not buy the debt of someone with my credit score. You should pay me for your stupidity, at least someone would be getting some money because you sure aren't.
2. Amy? She died last week. (Break into hysterical sobbing)
1. Sure hang on a minute I will go get her.... ** KEEP WATCHING TV WITH THE PHONE OFF THE HOOK, EVENTUALLY THEY HANG UP** be careful though, they will try to be sneaky and call you back using a ghost number.
So readers those are my rules of avoiding creditors and responding back to rude ones as they deserve to be responded back to. Most of these responses will elict the same response, they will grumble something and then hang up the phone. Please remember to be nice to those who are kind to you, they do not deserve to be yelled at. With the kind ones I tell them the truth and usually work something out with them to attempt to pay my debt.
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